Anxious, Black Dork

My biggest fear is being myself. 

For I am a huge nerd, that loves books, comics, video games, animation, any and all forms of art and sipping teas, while spilling some about black lives, human rights, knowledge and acceptance. An Afrocentric, eclectic oxymoron. I’m outside of the Black “norm” and that makes people uncomfortable. 

The fact that it makes people uncomfortable both worries and scares me. To this day, my family still thinks I’m weird. That no one like me will successfully develop lasting loving relationships with anyone. That I’ll forever be isolated and alone because I’m “different.” And I have to say, I agree. 
People tend to gravitate towards women that have a certain quintessential image and way of thinking and I don’t fit that mold…not in the SLIGHTEST. Will anyone see that and think that’s beautiful? Will they look at me and want to get to know me? Will they find me worthy of loving? I don’t know and my hope is slowly withering away. The doubt is growing and the pedals are beginning to fall from the rose. Sadly, the more that fall, the more people become enthralled with it. Will all my pedals have to fall for me to be accepted in this world? I hope not because then I’ll be unrecognizable, even to myself. I don’t want to lose who I am. I think I have a uniqueness that the world needs to see. I belong here…As me. But it seems like I don’t have a choice but to try and fit in with everyone else. *sigh* 


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